Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in open my heart...won't fall apart's LiveJournal:

Friday, February 13th, 2004
1:18 am	"You're just jealous cause we're young and in love..." Valentine's Day is Saturday. This is the first year in a long while that I won't hate that day. I am turning into such a stupid, giggling little girl. But no one has ever made me feel the way Sammy does. It's just...incredible. I've always been happy to be with him...but BEING with him like this surpasses anything I felt before. Yes. Stupid, giggling little girl it is. Current Mood: Lovestruck like woah <3 Current Music: "Soco Amaretto Lime" by Brand New (1 favourite thing | i feel like letting go)
Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
10:44 pm	"Hey there, I said it...I'm in love with you." Well...it's my 18th birthday today. :o) And I honestly don't think it could have been a better day. This morning, Sam called me up at exactly midnight to wish me a happy birthday. It was such a sweet gesture on his part, I think. We were on the phone for at least an hour, talking about all our past birthdays together...like the one year when there was a HUGE snowstorm the day before my birthday party and my mom had to call all the kids and cancel. I was only 10 years old so I was pretty disappointed...until Sam arrived at my door in full snow gear, my present wrapped in 4 plastic grocery bags so it didn't get wet. Heh. At that point, I really had no plans for my birthday...just that I knew I was going to spend it with him. He asked me if I wanted to go out to eat and then see a movie or something...which sounded like a good plan to me. So we set the times everything and we both went off to bed. He came to pick me up about 3...dressed up for the occasion, too! (Well...in Sam terms he was dressed up.) His trusty black Chucks, jeans, super tight button down shirt, his favorite "ugly tie" and the black blazer I had bought him for his birthday last month. He looked fucking adorable as all hell...heh. He knows what I like. ;o) So we get into the car and all of a sudden he's like "Shit...I forgot my wallet. I have to go back home. Must be a good boyfriend and pay for you on your birthday." He winked and kissed me quickly on the cheek. Fuck, I still get so giddy when he kisses me. He's just so sweet with it. Ahhh. Anyway, we head back to his house...I was just going to wait in the car but he wanted me to come in. His mom wanted to say happy birthday. So I get out of the car, go in the house and all of a sudden the lights turn on...SURPRISE! The little fucker had got me...managed to plan a whole surprise party without me knowing a damn thing. And he was SO thrilled about that. So, the party was great. I have the best boyfriend ever. :o) Sam pulled me aside during the party in his secretive little way. (Not all of the people at the party know about us yet) He was pleased that he surprised me and even more pleased that I was happy with the party. He told me he had presents for me but he wanted to wait until later to give it to me. :o) Yay. So after the party, he drove me back to my house...pulled a huge gift bag out of the trunk of his car. I tried to peek...but he wouldn't let me until we got in my bedroom. Inside was an IOU for the new Phantom Planet CD that comes out on Tuesday. ("We'll go together to get it and listen to it while we cuddle" he said. Hehe.) He also got me this silverchair shirt that I've been wanting forever. And at the bottom of the bag was the best present. It was a scrapbook Sam made. He's always been sort of artistic. Making computer graphics, webpages and the like. So...he made me this incredible scrapbook with pictures of us from when we were little until now. Pictures of birthdays and school events and concerts. I couldn't even imagine how much time he must have put into it...must have taken him at least a month to do. I looked at each page so closely...picked out all the little details. I could feel him looking over my shoulder...smiling. I was smiling, too. The last page was my favorite. It was covered in hearts and cheesy valentines stuff. In the center of the page was the picture Lizzy took at the party of us kissing on that dare. To think...that was the day that pretty much started it all. :o) Speaking of how it all started...I guess I should catch everyone up about what's been happening. So yea. We decided to date. Or something. I don't know really what to call it. We're just...together. It was sort of awkward at first...going from best friends to boyfriends. It was new and scary and exciting and wonderful. Just getting to lie beside him in bed and have it mean something different...something more...was...gah. I'm getting all stupid here. Heh. Yea. So we were both new with it and we didn't really tell anyone...just our close friends. And that's basically how we've kept it. It's been difficult to try and keep things sort of secret...but that's sort of how we have to do things. We have no idea how our parents would react...even though they don't suspect a thing. (An unseen benefit of dating your best friend!) And we don't want to be overly open about it in school...just because ours isn't the most open and friendly in general. But things have still been great. Sammy's birthday was on the 3rd of December, so we got to celebrate that together. I made him a mix CD...like he tends to do for me. But this one was special...filled with all these songs that we loved before, but now they meant something more. This song was the last on the CD..."The Birthday Song" by Ben Lee. Hey there I said it I'm in love With you There's an ocean between us Just like me Deep and Blue And I, at times have had nothing But tonight I want nothing but you You're the only thing I want The only thing I want The only thing on my mind All the time Staying up 'til dawn won't take its toll 'Til we get old And drinking is just the way We keep away the cold And you, you know what it means To be true and searching like me You're the only thing I need The only thing I need The only thing on my mind All the time And you gave me a reason To give you my soul I'll give you it all You're the only one I want The only one I need The only one on my mind All the time We are the most ridiculously cheesy couple ever. You're jealous. ;o) So after having such a wonderful birthday together, we're spending the night together...going to cuddle on my bed and watch a movie. Perfect. <3 Current Mood: loved Current Music: "Birthday Song" by Ben Lee (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Friday, January 2nd, 2004
2:49 pm	We are tracing... Do you ever get the feeling That we started in the middle? Do you ever have the sense That we've been lying just a little? I mean, come on... It's not like we've known ourselves that long. Well, I know a lot happened in that last entry and I just sort of left it hanging. But that's kinda how things went in my life the days after that happened. I woke up the next morning and Sam was gone...he must have sneaked out at some point but I was too exhausted to even realize. I was playing with the idea of calling him or e-mailing him...or maybe even going over to his house to sort out what happened...but I was still so freaking confused about everything. My best friend and I had just fucking hardcore made out and we spent the night together. It was like...woah. It seemed like it didn't happen. But I knew it did. And it was then I admitted to myself that I really did enjoy it. And I really did like Sam in that way. And that I've probably been bisexual all along but (somehow) didn't realize it. I don't know, it's weird. It's hard to explain...but, yea. So, I am bi. Feels kinda strange to actually say that. I haven't actually said it all that much...so...it's still sort of new. And at that point it was really kind of terrifying because I knew I really liked that night...I really wanted it to happen again...but I didn't know about Sam. He was drunk, after all. And he was an emotional wreck. So I didn't know what to do. It ended up that we didn't see each other or talk to each other until school started on the 9th...a little over a week after all this happened. Seeing each other in school was sort of awkward...we both felt it, I know. It wasn't as bad as I expected, though. We have two classes together AND lunch. So we obviously sat together at lunch...sort of unsure of what to say. It was so rough that first day. It would have killed me if that one night ruined or fucked up the friendship we had. Anya knew something was wrong...she asked me straight out when I came home from school. She could tell something had been weird...she was missing Sam and realized he hadn't been around in over a week...which was a rare occurance. And apparently, she saw him leave my room that morning. So...she wanted to know what was up. And I tell her everything. So I told her everything. I let her know what happened that night and that I thought I was bisexual and everything. She was a little bit surprised, I think...but totally supportive. She tried her best to give me advice...but she basically just told me what I knew all along. I had to talk to Sam...talk about what happened and, well. If anything was going to happen further. My god. I was semi-petrified at the thought some something further happening. Like...fuck. Maybe he was in the same situation I was. Maybe he did really like what happened and...wow. My mind was spinning at the moment. It didn't help things that my little sister wanted us to get together. She made sure to let me know that. Heh. So...Yea. The next day in school I asked Sam if he wanted to come over to my house after school. He was a little hesitant, but he agreed. I was a nervous as hell waiting for him to show up. And when he knocked on my door, I almost didn't want to open it. But I did. He was standing there glancing at his shoes...he looked up at me and sort of smiled. We both went up to my room and just sort of...stood there. It was so uncomfortable. He was the one that broke the silence, though...reached into his backpack and pulled out a CD. A mix he made me. He was like "I know things have been...weird...between us recently but, you know...uh..." It was at that point I think I decided to spill. I told him "Yea, I know things have been weird and I totally don't understand why. I guess you do remember what happened...that night...here." He nodded and sort of bit at his lip. I could tell he was as nervous as I was...and I didn't know whether or not that was a good thing or a bad thing. It could have potentially been both. I asked him how he was feeling since then...with the whole Ashley thing. He told me things were better. It still hurt, but he knew he had to just get through it. He apologized again for being such a wreck and got to a point where he almost apologized for kissing me, I think. But he just kinda stopped in midsentence. Like..."And I'm sorry that I k...uh. I'm just sorry." He remembered. But I wanted to make sure he did. "So...um. Yea. I know you were sort of messed up but do you remember what happened that night?" He nodded. "And um...you remember...that...we kissed?" He nodded again and visably blushed. I almost started laughing because I had hardly ever seen Sam blush before and it was fucking adorable. But instead I just smiled...and forced myself to say those next words. "You don't have to be embarrassed or anything. I...I liked it. Um. A lot." And it was at this point that I was blushing...horribly. He looked up at me...and I was almost fucking floored. He told me he liked it too. A lot. And again the silence came. We just stood looking at each other...not knowing what to do. So...I sort of...moved in...and...wow. Thinking about all this is giving me those damn butterflies again. So I moved in...moved my face to his and (nervously) kissed him. Very softly...very quickly. But I think that may have been enough. We both were smiling...something we hadn't seen each other do at all over that past week or so. It was such a relief nothing else had to be said. That we both sort of...knew what needed to be said. Wow, that sounds so fucking cheesy. Heh...but honestly, that's how it happened! My life has turned into a teen drama. So, things are back to normal with us. Well, uh...except for the fact that we're uh...kind of dating. Or something. Yea. *huge, retarded grin* Um...I think maybe I'll post more about that business later. :o) Current Mood: geeky Current Music: "Tracing" by John Mayer (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
4:08 pm	Lets pretend... 4 months didn't pass since I last updated. Deal? With senior year and...other...things...I've been really busy. And really neglectful of this journal. I could have told you in the beginning that I would most likely not keep up with this. I'm a fickle kid. But...with all the stuff that has happened, I feel the need to share. (Looking back...I left quite a cliffhanger it seems.) Expect a gradual recap of the past four months over the next few days. Maybe... Current Mood: lazy Current Music: "Big Brat" by Phantom Planet (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Sunday, August 31st, 2003
11:57 pm	Aptly titled song choice in that last entry. Tuesday actually was "Shortly Before the End" And I didn't even know. I'll explain. Today was me, home alone. 25 years ago today my parents met for the first time...and they celebrate this like their wedding anniversary. So they spent the day out together, went to a nice dinner and everything. Misha left for college Thursday. Anya's out with her friends...getting in some last minute movies and mall time before school starts. Haha. I don't mind being home alone, though. It gives me time to just relax...blast my music through the house and just chill. Well...things didn't work totally as planned. I was in the kitchen, listening to some Jason Mraz and cleaning up after my mac and cheese dinner (haha) when the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone...and I didn't think anyone was supposed to be home...so I was a little curious to who it was. I open the door and Sam is standing there, arms folded and head down. I was surprised to see him so I greeted him all warmly and stuff. Like "Hey Sam! What's up?" He looks up at me and my face fell. His eyes were all bloodshot. His cheeks were red. He had tears welling up in his eyes as soon as he looked up. He was on the verge of tears. I didn't know what to think. I had known Sam forever and had seen him cry when we were little and he skinned his knee when he fell of his bike or something. But I had only seen Sam REALLY cry once...and that was when his grandfather died. So I was a little scared and didn't know what to think. He just sort of mumbled "Can I come in?" so I took his hand and led him up to my room. He just kinda stood there in the center of my room...not really saying anything. Just looking at his feet again. I didn't know what to do or say. I managed to force out "Sam?" in a whisper...and he looked up at me again. His face just broke my heart. "I talked to Ashley," he said. "She found someone else at college. She...broke up with me." I was stunned. I couldn't believe something like this happened at all...let alone with Ashley being at college for only 2 fucking weeks. I was SEETHING. I wanted to find the bitch and punch her in the face for devastating my best friend like that. But all the thoughts of revenge and anger and everything were wiped out of my mind as soon as I saw Sam start crying. I grabbed him and pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me in so tight and hid his face in my shoulder and cried silently. It killed me to see him like this...to see him this vulnerable and sad. It killed me that I smelled alcohol on his breath and I knew he had been drinking. Sam hardly ever gets like that. I just stood there for a while with him...just letting him get it all out. I knew how crushed he was. He really loved and adored that girl...so I knew I just needed to be there with him and not say anything. I still didn't know what to say anyway. Then...he pulled away from me. Stood and looked at me right in the eye. I didn't know what was happening and I felt sort of uncomfortable. Then all of a sudden he leaned in and kissed me. Hardcore. It was a ferocious kind of kiss. Like if he wasn't kissing me, he would die or something. And I was stunned...but I found myself trying my best to keep up with him. All the while I was thinking "Holy fuck, Sam's kissing me. He's kissing me and I don't know why and I'm liking it and I don't know why." And as suddenly as he started, he pulled away. I saw him blush obviously and he got all nervous...looked down at his shoes and started fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. He started apologizing...like "My god, Dmitri. I...I'm sorry. I don't know why the fuck I did that. I'm a fucking mess right now." I tried to calm him down...let him know that, yea. It was OK. He sat down on my bed and put his head in his hands. I sat down next to him. He told me that he was freaking out. They hadn't talked for more than a week and then she calls to break up with him. He loved Ashley so much...and he couldn't believe that she had found someone else so fast. He kept repeating "I knew it...I knew it" and it sucks because I know he did. And it probably made it all harder. :o( We sat for a few moments, then he started apologizing for kissing me again...trying to rationalize it to me. I just kept telling him it was OK, that he didn't have to apologize but he kept at it. Until I leaned in and kissed him. This was the first time that I had actually kissed a boy...not had a boy kiss me. And I was a little shaky and nervous. But...it was nice. Really, really nice. My fingers were under his chin, tilting his head up a bit. Sam ran his fingers up my arm and along my jaw. It was such a nice kiss. When we pulled away, though, we were both a little nervous...embarrassed, maybe. We didn't really know what to say to each other. I told Sam he was welcome to spend the night. He accepted. I knew the poor kid was exhausted so I put on a CD and we both sort of...well, nervously laid down together. I mean, we had been in the same bed together before...but not after just making out. So. Yea. It was kinda weird...but still sort of nice at the same time. We kinda didn't know what to do. He slid in close to me. Rested his head on my shoulder. I rested my head on top of his. Every once in a while I would run my hand through his hair. Or he would tilt his head upward and kiss my jaw, or he'd kiss me quickly on the lips. I don't think either of us really knew what was going on at that point. But I was enjoying it. I felt so good...so comfortable like that. Sam drifted off about an hour and a half ago and I slid out of bed because my parents were going to be coming home at any minute and I still needed to clean up the kitchen from dinner. And now I'm sitting here. Sam's sleeping still...he's totally out of it. I'm worried about what's going to happen tomorrow morning. Tonight was...intense. And pretty amazing. I went through the whole thing completely sober, but I know Sam didn't. I don't know how much of this he'll remember in the morning...or what he'll say about the stuff he does remember. And I'm bordering on terrified. Current Mood: nervous Current Music: "Boxcar" by Stairwell (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
8:22 pm	Summer...where have you gone? Yea...the past few days I've spent buying notebooks and pens and school clothes and stuff like that. I can't believe I start my Senior year next week. Ridiculous. I hate school...senior year or not. Other than that, I really haven't been doing much...eating, sleeping, sitting around. I'm sorry, I have no good excuse for neglecting this thing. Sam hasn't been over much. He's still not doing too well with the whole Ashley thing. He has this irrational fear that something bad is going to happen. He has no reason to think that way...from what I seen, Ashley is as crazy about him as he is about her. Well, maybe not AS much but still. He's basically just sitting around listening to sad music and being all emo as fuck. The few times he has come over, it's always the same. We don't really say much...just listen to music and sit with each other. I don't mind all that much. I just miss the old Sam. The happy Sam...always ready with a smile or a joke or a new song for me to listen to. But I'm sure things will smooth over in a little while. I hope. Current Mood: Meh Current Music: "Shortly Before The End" by OK Go (i feel like letting go)
Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
1:05 am	"I'll always be...messing with you." Sam came over tonight...he's a little upset. Missing Ashley and all that. I don't get it, but then again I've never went through something like this. He's emotional and starved for attention...that's not a good combination for Sam to be. He needs attention and he's lonely and misses Ashley, so he was clinging to me all night. I felt like I should have been...I don't know. Upset or pissed or something? Like he was using me just because Ashley isn't here anymore or something. I don't know why that thought even fucking entered my mind in the first place. It was ridiculous and selfish and I forgot it and just tried to make him feel better. I didn't mind him being clingy and stuff at all. I was kind of in the mood for it, I guess you could say. I've just been doing too much thinking lately and have been feeling sort of blah...so it was welcomed. For about a half an hour, we were just laying on my bed listening to music. His head was resting on my shoulder. Every so often he would shift a little and move in closer to me. Every so often, I'd push his hair away from his forehead and just let my fingers stay there for a while. At one point, he got up to change the CD...he put on a mix he made a while ago of all sad love songs. He slid back in next to me, grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine, and just laid back on my shoulder. I kissed the top of his head and we just stayed there. Then the rain started and we just listened to it for a while. Once the rain let up, Sam decided to go...didn't say anything. Just let go of my hand, sat up, kissed me quickly and walked out the door. It was such a nice moment. The whole night was nice. We hardly said anything to each other...but everything was very warm and relaxing and comfortable. I think we both felt a lot better just being there with each other. Current Mood: content Current Music: "Comfortable (Live)" by John Mayer (5 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Sunday, August 17th, 2003
10:33 pm	Bored as fuuuuuck Sunday nights are awful. All I do is sit around and flip through the channels on TV. Insomniac with Dave Attell is on at 11:30...an hour away. So I get to be bored for another hour. I'm downloading cover songs right now. Cover songs make things a little better. And I made some new user pictures, too. 3 is definitely not enough, but I can't fork out the cash for a paid account right now...so 3 will work. I kept the Daniel one because, yea...still a rock god. I added one that I made from a picture Lizzy took. That I didn't know she took. Of my crotch. ("No I didn't! I took a picture of your belt!" she says) It's sort of a running joke between us so I made it: The second one is of Sam...this picture was from a WHILE ago. Maybe back in November of last year or something? He had just gotten a drastic haircut and he was all shy about it. But it looked nice, I thought...it was just weird seeing him without the shaggier hair. Um...yea. Being bored gets you thinking. And I hate thinking. Especially now. But I've been doing a lot of thinking since that party Friday. I don't know. I feel kind of stupid talking about it. Ok. Right. Basically, I don't know whether I actually do like guys or not. I need to stop trying to ignore that idea because I think I've been trying to ignore it for a long time now. I know I like girls. Definitely still like girls. But I don't know...maybe I've always liked guys, too. I've always been open to it, I guess. Like I remember once Lizzy asked me if I'd make out with Daniel Johns if somehow I met him and he asked me to. I didn't even hesitate..."Fuck yea," was my answer. And I'm like, well. Is that just me and my idol worship or do I really want to make out with Daniel? He is a good looking guy and all. God. I don't know. Then the whole thing with Sam. Was it like wow...I haven't kissed anyone in a long time. This is niiiice. Or was it more like...wow. I've never kissed a guy/Sam before. This is niiiice. Because, fuck yea it was nice. And when I see Sam I want to kiss him again because he's a good kisser and I like kissing and that's it, right? I think I actually do know what's going on inside of my head...but for some reason, I still can't figure things out. Current Mood: confused Current Music: "Melt With You" by Mest (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Saturday, August 16th, 2003
8:23 pm	Presents are awesome. So we just sang happy birthday for Misha about an hour ago...had some cake and opened presents and stuff. I'm a bit strapped on cash, so I made him a few mix CDs and bought him a book about the history of the Philadelphia Flyers...his favorite hockey team. I can't believe he's 20...it's so weird. It was like only yesterday that he was turning 12...I mention that birthday because it was probably the most memorable one. He had an ice skating party in the middle of August. LOL. Misha's been skating since he was 3 and has been playing hockey since he was 6, so by 12 he was basically living at the skating rink. He was showing off for some girl in his class that he liked... skating real fast, doing all kinds of hockey moves and somehow fell backwards onto his arm and ended up spraining his wrist. What a birthday. Haha. Aunt Kat did come over and she DID have presents for everyone...including Sammy, who was also over for the party. (I told you, he's basically the 6th member of this family. My dad calls him Samoyla, which is the Russian form of Samuel. LOL) Aunt Kat is the best. She got me the Traktor Chelyabinsk jersey I've been wanting forever. I love it! She bought Sam a jersey, too...Russian National Team. He was pretty much floored. He loves it...hasn't taken it off since she gave it to him. Actually, he's crashed out on my bed sleeping STILL wearing it. Hahaha. So, yea. Speaking of sleeping...I didn't sleep much last night. Did a lot of thinking though. I did fall asleep at one point and...uh yea. I had a dream that me and Sam were making out. Hardcore. And it was getting sort of intense when I woke up and I was a little...flustered. I think you could say. Um. It's not like it was a bad dream. It would have been bad if, when we were making out, Sam turned into a vicious man eating beast and proceeded to bite my face off. But that didn't happen...so it really wasn't bad. It was actually good. And that's what got me a little freaked. So, yea. I spent a lot of time last night just...thinking. About stuff. About how I feel about this whole kissing guys thing. Like...do I like it that someone kissed me? Or do I like it that Sam kissed me? I don't know what the hell is going on inside my head right now. I just don't want things to get weird for Sam because of me or anything. And it really hasn't, I guess. I'm just now starting to realize how important it is to me that I've been raised in such a loving family...and that I have someone comfortable like Sam to be around. Someone who needs affection and likes showing affection as much as I do. I apologize for this entry going off into babbling oblivion. I get so fucking weird when I'm tired. Current Mood: weird Current Music: "The Blue Channel" by Taking Back Sunday (i feel like letting go)
12:09 am	"After the boys of summer are goooone!" Yesterday (yes, it technically was yesterday) me and Sam held our annual "Summer's Almost Over" party. Every summer for the past 4 years, we get a bunch of friends over to my house for a pool party. Lots of food, music, fun…and things tend to get pretty interesting. We always end up playing Death is Not an Option or Truth or Dare or something. It sounds lame, I know, but it gets us laughing and having fun…and it makes us forget that the hell called school is starting up again soon. But this year, I had a feeling it was going to be a little different. Most of us are at least somewhat looking forward to senior year. Finally getting to be at the top of the high school hierarchy, more privileges and more fun things to look forward to…like senior trip, prom, and GRADUATION. Hell yea. Everyone was having a great time…swimming, hanging out and talking. I kept playing "Boys of Summer" and "In This Diary" by The Ataris over and over. Haha. At about 9:00, we started to hear thunder…and suddenly it started to pour! First time this happened. Everyone was freaking…kids were jumping out of the pool, grabbing things and running inside. In retrospect, it was pretty funny…hahaha. So we all trudged down my basement…I brought down some towels so the people who had just jumped out of the pool could dry off. (Hahaha…poor kids.) It was a little bit cramped but not bad…we were just lacking in places to sit. A bunch of people just crashed in the middle of the floor. Sam gave up the seat on the sofa (that he was hogging) so Lizzy and Elena could sit down. Of course, then he plops down on my lap and gets comfortable. He seems to be a big lap sitter these days. Lizzy and Elena start giggling…and I'm all confused. Elena tells us we look "cute" together. Haha. Sam and I start laughing…I pull him closer and he rests his head on top of mine. Then follows the obligatory awwwws from the girls. Lizzy pulls out her camera and snaps a picture…because she's a photo freak and always seems to have a camera with her. Serious. She has an ENTIRE bookshelf full of photo albums filled with compromising pictures of people. Haha. Out of nowhere, Lizzy narrows her eyes and gets this smile on her face and says "You guys should kiss!" Hm. That's a first. We both must have been giving the girls a weird look because Elena sighed and said "Oh come ON. It's just a kiss. Why are you giving us that look?" Well, maybe it was because I was just asked to kiss my best friend? That could have been it. Lizzy gave us the puppy dog face and started begging. "Guys, come on. Please? It would be so cute! You guys are so comfortable with each other. How can you be against it?" I looked at Sam and I think we were both thinking that, no, we weren't really against it. I like to kiss…Sam likes to kiss. So. Yea. He smiled and puckered out his lips and I did the same and he gave me a little kiss. I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. Lizzy. I turned and saw the camera up to her face. Elena was grinning from ear to ear. "That's a start," she said. Evil. Those girls are just evil. Ha. At about 10, there were only a handful of people hanging around…the same people that hang around every year. Me, Sam, Lizzy, Elena, Josh, Hannah, Andy, Dom, Kristen and Morgan. Just like every year, someone suggests Truth or Dare. This is when things always tend to get interesting and leave it to Lizzy to capture the memories with her camera. Andy and Hannah ended up switching clothes….which was the funniest thing, considering Hannah is 5'1" and Andy is nearly a foot taller than her. There were some lap dances going on. Sam dared Elena to do some clothed, but Playboy-esque poses for Lizzy's camera. Elena wasn't too thrilled…but she's not one to turn down a dare and I knew she was going to get Sam back. And she did. I don't know how he didn't see it coming because I did. She dared Sam to kiss me. Again. But this time she set down the rules. 7 seconds, open mouth. "And tongue is allowed, if that's your thing," she added. My god, that girl is EVIL. I knew I was in for it because Sam won't turn down a dare, either. But what he said next almost floored me. "For 10 bucks I'll let Lizzy take pictures." Elena forked over that money so fast…and I was just sitting there astonished. Sam looked at me smiling. "Come on, man. One kiss." All the guys in the room were looking at us with that "You can't be serious" look. Sam winked at me…and I knew what he was thinking. Milk this for all that it's worth. Sam comes over and sits on my lap again…starts playing with my hair. I'm trying to keep from laughing. "Someone start timing…now!" And with that, Sam leaned in and kissed me…for the second time that night. Nuts. I'm comfortable enough to admit…yea. It was a nice kiss. I hadn't kissed anyone for a while before that and I forgot how good it felt. I tuned out the girls giggling and the guys groaning and just kinda got lost in it. And I sort of didn't want it to end. But Josh, who was keeping time, shouted out "OK…enough enough!" Hahaha. Sam planted one last quick kiss on me before we turned and looked at everyone else. The guys were cringing. All the girls were smiling…Elena was wide eyed. "I don't believe you did it," she said. "Of course I did it," Sam said grinning…then he laid his head on my shoulder and said "Was that good for you, baby?" Hahaha. It actually was...yea. We’re so weird. That proved to be the end of the game. It was quarter to 12 by then, anyway…everyone left still a little stunned, I think. Lizzy was still grinning and told me she'd make sure to get extra copies of the pictures of me and Sam kissing. Once everyone left, Sam helped me clean up. He kept making sure I was OK with the whole kissing thing...that he didn’t embarrass me or make me feel uncomfortable or whatever. I told him it didn’t, so he was relieved. He told me that, since Ashley’s gone, I’m going to have to be his new makeout buddy. Hahaha. Before he left, he handed me the 10 bucks Elena gave him. "You earned it," he said and then gave me one more quick kiss, which surprised me a little...but yea, I went with it. Why argue a kiss? "I better leave before I get used to this kissing stuff,” he said. I rolled my eyes and pushed him out the door. Today's Misha's 20th birthday and we're having some family over for dinner since he heads back to college in a little over week. As long as he gets to party with his friends tonight, he's cool with it. Aunt Kat's coming over. She just got back from Russia a few days ago so I'm sure she has gifts for us all. Haha. Plus, she hasn't seen Delilah yet and I'm sure she'll love her. My dad used to tell me that when they were younger, he used to tease her…saying she'd one day be the crazy old lady who lives with all the cats. He was half right. She's not old and not crazy. Not REALLY crazy anyway. ;o) But she does have cats. 3 of them. I'll have to watch Lila around her…Aunt Kat might smuggle her home in her purse. ;o) Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Boys of Summer" by the Ataris (argh. Get out of my head!) (5 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Thursday, August 14th, 2003
10:19 pm	LIVE NUDE GIRLS Porn e-mail freaks me out. I'm starting to get it in German now. Or something that looks like German. I'm bored. Sam's off with Ashley. Yea. I don't think I mentioned her before. Go figure. Ashley is Sam's girlfriend. She's kinda...I don't know. She seems so much different than Sam. I don't know how they've stayed together these past 7 months. She's heading off to college tomorrow, so he wanted to spend some time with her tonight before she leaves. I don't know how this whole long distance relationship thing is going to work, but good for them for giving it a try...I guess. I watched Insomniac with Dave Attell tonight. That show is great. I want to do that. Me and Sam...we can travel across the country, visiting weird places and taking pictures of strange people. It would be so cool. Someday we'll do it...take a road trip one summer. I can't wait. :o) Tomorrow's the "Summer's Almost Over" party here. Hopefully it'll help Sam take his mind off Ashley leaving and all. Should be a fun time, as always. :o) New user picture...featuring a close up of Matt Lovato. That guy is crazy. Have you all seen the Mest EPK? Haha. Current Mood: excited Current Music: "Until I Met You" by Mest (1 favourite thing | i feel like letting go)
Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
2:30 pm	I've spent a good portion of my afternoon being lazy as hell...laying on a float in the pool and listening to a mix CD Anya made me. I like this song. I got a twenty dollar bill That says no one's ever seen you without makeup. You're always made up. And I'm sick of your tattoos And the way you always criticize the Smiths. And Morrissey. And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. But when I say let's keep in touch, I really mean I wish that you'd grow up. This is the first song for your mix tape. It's short just like your temper, But somewhat golden like the afternoons We used to spend before you got too cool. I got a twenty dollar bill That says no one's ever seen you without makeup. You're always made up. And I'm sick of your tattoos And the way you don't appreciate Brand New And me. And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. But when I say let's keep in touch, I hope you know I mean I wish that you'd grow up This is the first song for your mix tape And it's short just like your temper But somewhat golden like the afternoons We used to spend before you got too cool. Yeah, but I wish you were my shadow... I know people like this and in less than a month I'll be forced to spend my senior year with them. Makes me not want to go back to school at all. I wish I could just spend my days in the pool, or at the beach, or driving around with Sam. Whatever. I still love the song. I think I'm gonna go back out before it starts raining or something. What the hell is up with this weather? Ug. Hey...sup, _gutterboy? How are things going with your bro? And to everyone who added me to their friends list, thank you! :o) You guys are way, way cooler than everyone else on LiveJournal. Current Mood: lazy Current Music: "Mix Tape" by Brand New (3 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Sunday, August 10th, 2003
1:49 pm	First Warped Tour, in the bag! Sam and I had a fucking blast! Almost got ourselves killed a few times but it was great anyway! So many great bands there. We got to see/hear Yellowcard, The Ataris, Taking Back Sunday, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies, Motion City Soundtrack, The All-American Rejects, Brand New and Simple Plan...plus we watched some local bands at the y100 side stage. So awesome. Anya's going to kill me. She went down the shore with her best friend and her family for the week...otherwise I would have had her come with us. There's always next year, though. I couldn't believe how many people were there! It was so insane...at points things were at a standstill and no one could get through. Crazy. I sometimes freak out in big crowds like that, but Sam made sure not to leave my side for a second. I almost lost him during TBS's set...at one point everyone surged forward and a whole section of people just fell to the ground, me included. I will admit, I was scared for my life. I didn't know how the hell I was going to get up in this huge crowd of crazy, moshing kids...but then suddenly I felt a hand on each arm and I got pulled up. Sam and some random tall punk guy grabbed me and pulled me up. Thank freaking God for people with most pit etiquette. Haha. Regardless, though...TBS's set was fucking incredible. The whole day was incredible. Sam and I had so much fun. (Even if Mest wasn't there...though I still wish they were.) We spent a ton of money, which isn't the best thing, but we got lots of free stuff too. That's always good. We saw some people from school and said hi...talked to them for a bit. I ran into Lizzy (literally) and was so happy to see her. I haven't seen her since school got out. She told me she saw Benji and Billy from Good Charlotte there! They was watching the Used's set. If those two would be there for any date, of course it would be the Philly date. Philly gave GC their start. Before we left at about 8 we got to meet Justin from Motion City Sountrack. He's a really cool guy...we talked to him about "I Am The Movie" and how they were enjoying Warped and stuff. He's a cool guy. They put on a great set, too. After we left, Sam and I stopped at a diner somewhere for food because we hadn't eaten anything since 10 in the morning. I decided to crash at his place, so when we got back to his house, we chilled out in his room...listened to some of the sampler CDs we got. Sam ended up drifting off at some point and his head was resting on my stomach so I felt bad about moving or anything. I managed to reach the CD player and change the CD to some silverchair (Diorama to be exact) and just laid back and listened to that. Hm. Ok. I made a promise to myself that I was going to try and be fully open in this journal. So...I am. Something in that moment was sort of...I don't know. It's hard for me to explain. Laying back, listening to silverchair, Sam sleeping next to me. It was...I don't know. Hm. There's something I think I need to explain...that I already mentioned to _gutterboy. The thing you need to know about Sammy and I...we're both very affectionate. We grew up in very loving households where lots of affection was shown...so we're really cool and comfortable around each other. Like, in the last entry...Sam was sitting on my lap. Some guys I know would be a little freaked by that, I think. It's personally not a big deal for us. Sam's just the the kind of guy who would sit on your lap as your trying to type. He's the kind of guy that would scream "WE'RE GOING TO WARPED" as he tackle hugs you and doesn't let you go for 3 and half minutes. So being there with him sleeping next to me wasn't a new thing...it wasn't something that made me uncomfortable. It just felt...different than it usually does. Maybe it was me. The exhaustion of the day playing with my head. At one point, though, my mind started to drift off and out of nowhere I think to myself "This is the way it should be." I don't know what my mind meant by that at all. It was just something that popped into my head and kinda startled me back to reality for a moment. I was way too tired to think about it any further...so I drifted off myself. I woke up to Sam nuzzling his head into my side, giggling and saying in a high piched, girly voice "Oh Dima, first Warped Tour then a night of hardcore punk rock sex. You know just what this little riot girl wants!" I nearly fell out of bad laughing. The kid is such a freak. Hahaha. I'm home now...I think I'm going to try to get some more sleep because last night I was up late talking to a whole bunch of people online and yea. I got like...4 hours of sleep because my body sucks at adjusting. I have to work on this layout, too. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: "Throw Down" by Motion City Soundtrack (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Friday, August 8th, 2003
10:52 am	The big, secret surprise So I went to Sam's house last night after he left like...4 messages on my cell saying "Holy crap, man...you have to come over! Great news!" The great news, you ask? Sam's family's weekend trip to PA was cancelled because his dad had an impromptu business trip or something. So that means...Sam scored us Warped Tour tickets at the Tweeter Center! Today! We both wanted to go so bad, but his parents wouldn't let him get out of the trip and I didn't want to go without him. But now, we're going! He's over here right now. Actually, he's sitting on my lap as I'm typing this, the weirdo. No lie. It's a little difficult, but I'm managing. (He says hi, BTW. Haha) So we're heading off in a few minutes. So many bands I want to see...Simple Plan, AAR, Brand New, Yellowcard, Motion City Soundtrack, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies...TAKING BACK SUNDAY! Too bad Mest won't be there. Get well soon, Tony! Alright...off we go. Later, kids! Current Mood: excited Current Music: "Sure Shot" by Yellowcard (2 favourite things | i feel like letting go)
Thursday, August 7th, 2003
8:53 pm	New thing...first entry. Well, this is interesting. My internet buddy Daytona (_gutterboy) gave me a code for Livejournal...and got me interested in starting this up. I'm still new to all this, so the layout and things aren't worked out yet. But I will get on that. :o) Hmm...Maybe I should start by telling a little about myself...and about the people you’ll most likely hear me talk about. My name is Dmitri Petrov...and yes, I’m serious about that name. I come from a strong Russian background. My dad’s side of the family is from there. He was actually born there but my grandparents moved to the US when my dad was 8, taking him and my Aunt Kat (short for Ekaterina) with them. My dad went back to Russia every few summers when he was younger to visit his grandparents. He loves it there, he loves being Russian, so me and my brother and sister all have Russian names. Yea. So that’s the story behind my name. :o) My parents, siblings and some of my friends call me Dima...the real Russian nickname for Dmitri. But basically everyone else calls me Tri/Tree. However you want to spell it. Anyway...I’m 17 years old and I’m going to be a senior in high school in less than a month. Um...lets see. More about me, I guess. I’m sort of quiet and sort of private...which I’m trying to get over by using this journal. I love going to see movies, hanging out with my friends, playing hockey...all the normal teenage stuff, I guess. My one big passion is music. Music is my life and I honestly don’t think I could live without it. I’m never without my discman or my MP3 player. Most of my money goes toward buying CDs and I have a pretty extensive collection. I listen to a lot of different stuff...mostly alternative, punk, and emo. I also like singer/songwriters. I do listen to some heavier rock, classic rock...even a little pop and dance type stuff here and there. Silverchair is my favorite band. That’s where I got my user name from. (“You’re my favourite thing...and I feel like letting go.”) I’ve loved them since I was 11 and I’ve only had the chance to see them live once...but it was incredible. I love going to shows and experiencing live music and meeting bands. I also love playing music. My parents bought me a guitar for Christmas and I’ve been taking lessons. Hm. What else? Well, I live in New Jersey with my father Vladimir and my mother Maria. I have an older brother Mikhail (Misha, for short) who is going to be 20 soon. Me and him have never been really, really close...but I still know I can go to him for things if I need to. He’s the first son for my father and sort of the golden child in my dad’s eyes. I do get jealous sometimes, but Misha never tries to rub anything in like some older siblings tend to do. He’s also the first in the family to actually go to college and I sort of miss having him around the house, even though he loves to hassle me sometimes. But it’s summer now and he’s home again, so that’s cool. I also have a 16 year old sister Anya. Anya is wonderful and she is honestly one of my very best friends. We’re so close in age that we go through a lot of the same things. She loves practically all the same music that I do and we go to shows together a lot. That seems sort of lame, I know...going to shows with your little sister. But I love taking her because I know how much she loves going. She understands me better than anyone and I feel comfortable coming to her about almost anything. One more person I have yet to mention...my best friend in the whole world, Sam. Affectionately called Sammy Wammy by me because he still has a little baby face. Hehe. He’s practically the 6th member of the family. My parents think he’s great, my brother thinks he’s great, Anya absolutely adores him. We’ve been friends since kindergarten. He’s exactly one month older than me...he was born December 3rd and I was born January 3rd. Sometimes he seems so much older than me. Even though he is pretty mature for 17, he’s not uptight. He loves having fun and it sometimes gets us into trouble. He always manages to charm his way out of nearly every situation, though, the lucky bastard. ;o) Even though this is going to sound horribly cheesy, Sam is like my other half. He is so much like me, yet we still have our differences, which keeps things interesting. I would do anything for that kid. Um...that’s basically the main people. There are other random friends you’ll be hearing about. OH! Haha...I almost forgot about Delilah and Nico, my cat and dog respectively. We've had Nico since he was a pup...almost 4 years ago. We just brought Delilah home from the shelter a month ago. We were afraid how she and Nico would get along...but Nico loves her and always lets her nap on his back. Ha. I love animals...and they'll probably be the closest thing to kids I'll ever have. So...that’s it. The obligatory introduction entry. I will write something of more substance soon, but now I’m off to Sam’s house. He has some big secret surprise for me or something. Hm. Interesting. Current Mood: curious Current Music: "Come Around" by Rhett Miller (4 favourite things | i feel like letting go)